fireside
by passerines
Summary: The more things change, the more they stay the same. (In which Sasuke is born a girl and the world bleeds with her). [Canon divergence] [fem!Sasuke]
1. prologue

Prologue

零

* * *

"You're pregnant."

Mikoto's head snaps up at the comment. Sure she hasn't been making a concerted effort to hide it but surprise still colors her thoughts. Fugaku has practically been living at the office for the past six months, how did he even notice?

Seeing the question on his wife's face he looks away before mumbling, "You're eating nattō."

A smile blooms across her lips at his statement and she finds herself barely managing to bite back a squeal. Sometimes, she muses, her husband is just the absolute cutest.

Fugaku had missed much of her pregnancy with Itachi due to being sent to the warfront but he'd never forget the first four months. They had found out about three weeks into her pregnancy when Mikoto was scheduled for her monthly check-up with the iryō-nin. It was a hectic time in between deployments for the both of them but Fugaku had wasted no time in dumping his responsibilities on his subordinates when a courier was sent for him.

Though he denies it to this very day, Mikoto swears she saw some tears in his eyes when she gave him the news.

She was immediately rotated out of combat and Fugaku was mercifully given a few months time to rest. Ignoring the constant pressures for a psych eval along with his more urgent duties with the police, he spent the majority of his time waiting on her hand and foot. And she had zero compunctions about running her husband ragged.

He'll forever relate nattō and grapefruits with that wonderful time in his life.

Unfortunately, the temporary peace they had managed to carve out was quickly dashed to pieces when Fugaku was called back to the front-lines. Mikoto found herself alone, pregnant, and with all the duties and responsibilities of the clan head with none of the respect. She's never figured out how she managed to survive it all but she likes to think it was her little boy looking out for her even then, a rock in the gushing rapids of her life.

Still, the pressure pushed her to her breaking point and just as she was on the cusp of lighting one of the elders on fire, she felt it. Her water broke.

It was a hard, brutal labor that nearly broke her in two. All she remembers is the sheer agony of being ripped apart at the seams and being yelled at to push, just keep pushing. It was hours of this and just when she thought she couldn't do it anymore, she heard Itachi's wails.

There was no sweeter sound.

Deliriously, she held her hands out for her baby; desperate to see what she worked so hard for but she was denied even that simple pleasure. A hemorrhage, they had said, emergency surgery. And so she was whisked away without even getting a look at her boy, unsure if she would ever even get the chance.

When she woke up she found herself stuck in a hospital room receiving lecture after lecture on the effects of stress on the body. She's not sure which disinterested expression did it but the iryō-nin had grown fed up and placed her on bed-rest. By the time she was well enough to move around again she had lost out on the first few months of Itachi's life.

And with them, she had lost her son to the elder's clutches.

Oh how she tore Fugaku apart when she found out; for all his genius he was absolutely terrible at politics. A part of her still writhes with unbridled resentment when she thinks of the what could have beens.

This time, no one will touch her baby.

It's a foolish dream, she knows, but she refuses to allow her child to be lost to her again. To be forced to bear the burdens of a clan so wrapped up in its own ego that it's two seconds away from suffocation. She can't have that. Won't have that.

She thinks about Fugaku and his older brother. The Uchiha that had never awakened his sharingan. How their father and the elders pit them against each other under the guise of "training". How he was slowly cut out from the main family until he was nothing more than a pariah. How he died thinking his life meant nothing. Thinking that his younger brother didn't care about him.

If she has a son, so long as Fugaku is head, he will never know peace. Her boys will never be able to rely on each other; forced to become the benchmarks that the other has to surpass. They'll be torn from one another before they even get to develop a bond. Itachi, sweet sweet Itachi who's already being labeled as "other" by the kids his age, will have no one at his side. So long as she has a son, her family will be destined for sorrow.

And so, she prays.

She pours all of her will and determination and spirit into it and prays every morning and night for a girl. She's willing to stake everything she ever has been and will be on this one factor. Hell, she's even willing to sacrifice her career as a kunoichi.

As for what Fugaku wants, well, there's very little a mother wouldn't do for her child and Mikoto is no ordinary mother. She's an Uchiha.

With that in mind, she smiles blithely at her husband and nods.

"Yes, I am."

* * *

 **〆**

* * *

I can't believe this plot bunny actually got written lmfao...anyways! This is one of my first forays into writing fiction so if you have any criticisms lay them on me!


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

一

* * *

There's a loud beeping in her ear, something she can't quite place but there's a steady rhythm to it - a cadence so familiar, just on the cusp of understanding; a niggling feeling in the back of her head that if she tried hard enough she'd remember.

But it also feels so much heavier than just remembering what the beeping is, so much more important. Something that could change everything for her, that could -

Beep. Beep. Beep.

And she's back again to what is that? It's a vicious cycle that's been running laps around her brain for what feels like ages; too complex for her to break free, too simple to ignore. She urges herself to fight, to rise to the top of the nothingness she's drowning in but just as she starts to make progress something wraps itself around her and jerks her down down down with reckless abandon.

うんめい

It's cold where she is. Not unpleasant, though, just the type of chill that comes from a brisk jūichigatsu night. There's a warmth coming from her chest that she doesn't understand, burning softly like the embers left from a katon jutsu.

"Nii-san!" A little girl comes running at her from behind looking like she has no thought to slow down or stop. Bracing herself for impact as the little girl draws near, she almost stumbles back in shock when the girl runs right through her. "Nii-san! Where've you been?" Turning around, she sees the girl pout up at a taller figure, clutching tightly at what she assumes to be his pants.

"Hm, I was at the training grounds." The warmth in her chest roars to life at the sound of his voice. "Come along now imouto, kaa-san wants us to go pick up some senbei." The boy reaches a hand out - her body makes an aborted move to pull the young girl away though she doesn't know why - and pokes her gently on the forehead with two fingers.

The girl's face breaks out into a gleeful smile, eagerly clutching at the hand that had just poked her. "Ne nii-san, can we go on the rooftops?" He doesn't answer but in the blink of an eye the girl is on his back and they're running, the girl's giggles echoing loudly in the empty space around her. She thinks she can make out the sounds of his chuckles, a few pitches deeper than the girl's but no less joyful.

There's no doubt that this is a happy moment but for one inexplicably long moment there's a desperate sadness that clutches at the corners of her mind, so powerful and crushing that in a fit of hopelessness she wills herself back to the empty black she knows so well.

It's so much colder than she remembers it being.

The gaping void is discouraging in its endlessness but she pushes through the discomfort, determined to find herself another slice of warmth. Curiously enough, the black seems to take on a purple hue the farther away she walks. With no ability to judge distance or time, it's impossible to tell how long or far she's been going but she can see it clear as day: the subtle shift from pitch black to a color about three shades darker than plum. Before she can really start investigating this change, she hears it.

It's softer this time, more distant but she it might as well be right next to her with how clearly she registers it: beep. beep. beep.

Her eyes twitches.

Another sound joins the beeping and she finds herself quickly abandoning her irritation. This isn't the first time this has happened but after the...trip she's had, she figures she ought to pay attention.

The noise is muffled; much more so than the beeping. If she had to guess, she'd say it was coming from farther away from her. It almost sounds like someone speaking and she wishes desperately for some way to hear them clearer.

All she can make out is a "chi" spoken over and over again to the point she's starting to believe that it's a verbal tic.

Something pricks in her mind at the thought, drawing her attention. She's able to focus for all of five seconds before her mind jerks, bringing her back into the warm black she saw before. Not a hint of purple in sight.

"Chiyo-chan!" A woman screams from right next to her, startling her out of her thoughts and igniting a fire in her chest. The woman looks similar to the girl that was running around before - deep dark hair with obsidian eyes that are flashing with irritation. Her mother, she supposes. "Anata! Go get your daughter!"

There's a man standing on her other side, tall and imposing. A scowl that seems to have been etched from stone on his face. He grumbles something under his breath but dutifully turns around, taking measured steps until he reaches down and plucks something from the ground. Breathless giggles leave the figure and she watches, entranced, as the man's eyes soften before he cradles the girl to his chest; the fire eats at the sight as if it were kindling.

He's still scowling, though.

The girl - Chiyome - doesn't seem any older than the last time. Her hair has grown a little longer, reaching her shoulders now, serving as the only indicator that some time has passed. She eventually manages to stop giggling and turns pouting lips and big eyes on her mother.

"Don't you look at me like that! I know you don't like him but that's no reason to trick Kenji-kun into eating wasabi! You could've really hurt him!"

"But he was being mean to me." Her pout somehow manages to deepen as she sinks into her father's arms.

The woman's mouth opens to yell again but a soft voice cuts in, "Kaa-san, if you're looking for a punishment, you could send Chiyome with me to gather supplies from Nekobaa." She pauses for a moment before nodding her head, ignoring the soft whine from the girl.

Before the whine can descend into blubbering the shadowy figure standing a bit away from them comes over, quickly taking the shape of the boy Chiyome had called her brother.

"Are you upset imouto?" He smiles kindly at her aggressive nod. "At least we can spend the whole day together." The girl brightens immediately, burying her face in her father's neck with a grin. The four start walking away together, Chiyome enthusiastically planning her trip with her brother. They pause briefly for the woman to fuss over the girl's clothes, cupping her face for a second before moving away.

She stays rooted in that spot, staring blankly into the horizon where the four disappeared, for what feels like years. The urge to follow them is roaring in her veins, screeching for acknowledgement.

Instead, she fights her instincts and turns around, willingly walking towards what she hopes will be the purple abyss all the while desperately ignoring how the warmth seems to zap away from her with every step.

うんめい

It's a long time before she's dragged back into the warmth.

She's not entirely sure if she's missed it.

For the first time, it's not just blackness that surrounds her but a looming building with the words Konoha Military Police Force emblazoned at the top. It's an intimidating structure, assuredly, but there's something so achingly familiar and comfortable about it that she reels at the sight. Just as she takes a step towards it, a familiar voice calls out from behind her.

"Tou-san! You said you were taking me somewhere special!" Chiyome, if she remembers the name correctly, is whining at her father's leg, hands fisted into the fabric of his pants. "I don't want to go to work."

The man says nothing in response, just sets his hand on top of her head and moves them forward. She follows at a sedate pace behind them, more than a little wary to enter the building. The two don't pause as they walk through the atrium, past the receptionist and down farther into the hallway to the right of them. She picks up the pace when she spies them walking through a door at the end of the hall, determined not to lose them in what she's sure is a maze.

The room she finds herself in is extremely bare. No decorations cover the wall other than a massive insignia that was also on the front of the building - a shuriken painted green with an uchiwa fan superimposed over it. Across from it are two open lockers, one bigger than the other, holding uniforms of some sort. Her eyes drift to the smaller one, taking in the light gray shirt and pants with a sleeveless dark gray haori with orange embellishments draped over it; a black flack jacket and an orange and yellow striped arm band with the insignia on it complete the look.

Her eyes stay rooted on the uniform, even as Chiyome steps forward and starts fingering the darker of the two. "Tou-san, isn't this your uniform?"

"Hn." He's standing with his arms crossed, watching his daughter with impossibly fond eyes.

"Then whose is this?" She gestures with her thumb at the other uniform.

"It's yours." Both girls turn to stare at him incredulously. "Not now or even in the near future but when you become a chūnin I expect you to be here with me. In the police force." He steps forward and lowers himself to eye level. "This is the lieutenant's uniform, the second in command of the Konoha Police, directly under the chief. It's one of the most important positions in the village."

"Tou-san…" Chiyome breathes, "I'm not even in the Academy yet."

"But you will be in a few months time and I want you to know what you're training towards."

She's silent for a moment before speaking again, "What about Nii-san?"

He hesitates, a dark expression crossing his face briefly before it flickers away. "Itachi's destiny is elsewhere." He stands up, grabbing the armband from the display. "This isn't his." He wraps it around her left shoulder so tightly it nearly cuts off her circulation before taking a step back, looking at her with a critical eye. "This is your legacy."

Chiyome stares hard at her shoulder showing a surprising amount of consideration before she beams up at him, eyes glittering in the low light. "Then I won't let you down Tou-san! I'll be the best lieutenant Konoha has ever seen!" His lips twitch at the declaration.

She drinks in the sight of father and daughter, lips curling without her approval. Even as the image starts to fade and she's left with nothing but the disintegrating building around her, she stays smiling.

It's strange, not feeling the creeping loneliness or the aching in her chest as the warmth, yet again, fades away but she finds herself content. A gentle whisper in her mind assures her that everything will be fine, there's no reason to worry. For the first time, she doesn't try to contemplate how this voice knows and just trusts it.

Settling herself on the ground, she waits.

It doesn't take long for another landscape to build up around her. A kitchen this time. It's a charming place, with wide windows that look out over what she assumes to be the backyard and lights that brighten the whole place up. There's a center island with a portable stove covered in bowls filled with rice, nori, katsuobushi, tsukudani, and umeboshi - the ingredients for onigiri. A thrill runs up her spine at the thought. She finds Chiyome's mother at the stove, long hair pulled back by a bandana, checking on a boiling pot on the stovetop that lines one of the walls.

The woman turns around while wiping her hands on a towel that hangs from her apron. She starts when Chiyome's mother smiles up at her, shocked and just a little bit hopeful that she can actually be seen. The hope is dashed to bits the moment she hears the childish voice call out from behind her.

"Kaa-san why are we making onigiri?"

"I thought you'd be more excited Chiyo-chan." An amused smile curls the woman's lips.

"I would be if I were getting to eat it." The girl mumbles under her breath. Clearly she wasn't quiet enough because her mother breaks out into soft laughter.

"Come now, why are we doing this?" She gets a shrug in response. "Chiyome." With a heavy sigh the girl mumbles her answer.

"Because it's good to do kind things for others."

"Exactly." She reaches across the table and puts a rice ball down in front of the girl. "Eat this and then start helping."

The girl nods her head before digging in, smiling around mouthfuls. "Nii-san is really good at making these but you're still better."

"Well I'd hope so." Her mother responds with a laugh before putting another one down on her plate. "Don't think this is because you complimented me." She says with a wag of her finger but the indulgent smile on her face says otherwise. Chiyome eats the rest of her meal in seconds and the two soon start making the onigiri, placing one of each flavor into 5 bento boxes. Four of them were a dark blue while the fifth was a pale orange.

"Ne Kaa-san, can I go drop it off with you?" Chiyome speaks around the stolen onigiri in her mouth.

"You know you're not allowed to." Her mother scolds, wiping away a stray grain of rice from her chin.

"I know but I really wanted to see his face when he finds it!"

"Maybe next time Chiyo." She nods distractedly at her mom while reaching for another rice ball. Her mother smacks the back of her hand without looking away from the bow she was tying around the orange box. "Stop that or you'll ruin your appetite."

"Okay Kaa-san." But she just shifts to picking at the katsuobushi. The hand comes down hard on hers again but she just shoots her mother a charming smile. With a roll of her eyes, her mother turns back to the bento she finished packing. She stares at it for a long moment before turning and looking at the clock. It's a minute of just standing there, eliciting a concerned stare from Chiyome, when she decides to sit down next to the girl.

"Let's spend the day together, huh Chiyo-chan? I'll drop this off later tonight." The girl immediately perks up, nodding her head enthusiastically before dragging her mom out of the kitchen by her hand.

Their laughter echoes around the now empty room.

* * *

 **〆**

* * *

I'm sorry if the pronoun game got confusing! It shouldn't be a problem again later on but for now, with this whole "other" landscape, it _might_ happen again. I'll try not to though!

I forgot to mention it last time but this story really came abt bc I'm convinced that Sasuke wouldn't be able to get away with half of what he does if he were a girl. And then I thought about it a little more intensely and tbh I feel like a lot of things would change re: his development if he were a girl and so! here we are.

I almost named her Takeko after Nakano Takeko but in an attempt to maintain the whole "ultimate ninja" thing I decided that a legendary kunoichi would probably appeal to fugaku and mikoto more.

Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you guys think whether by pm or review! Aside from the pronoun mess please let me know if there are any other technical things I have to fix or really anything in general!


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

一

The silence practically vibrates around her. Unceasing undulations that only serve to remind of the suffocating silence. There are no warm places awaiting her, no fond smiles and happy laughter, not even the beeping she had once thought to be omnipresent. There is just deep purple that shades the darkness around her, growing darker with every blink of her eye.

She longs for the scenes of familial bliss that had plagued her regularly. The happiness lingers on her tongue like the tang of a persimmon. It's almost nostalgic, the way the taste curls in her mouth, lulling her into a false sense of calm. If she closes her eyes, she can pretend it's hers to be had and not something she stole.

Something blooms in her chest, catching in her lungs and seizing her heart. Breaths leave in shuddering gasps while black spots dance across her vision, an explosion in her head that forces her to her knees. Every fibre of her being is on fire, her body feels like it's being torn in two; her head urging her in one direction while her body pulls her in another.

In the midst of her agony, she doesn't realize that the landscape bursts into bright purple before changing completely.

The sound of cicadas echoes in her ears, wrenching her from her trance. She looks up, startled at the sudden noise.

This isn't just an isolated recreation of an event; an entire world has been built. The moon is bright overhead, almost mocking in how it shines down on her. There are a few clouds in the sky but not enough to obscure the glittering stars. It's a wonderfully pleasant night.

Something in her gut tells her it won't stay that way.

She glances around warily but there's not a soul in sight. The street and surrounding shops are deathly silent. Not even the street lights are working.

The pain has ebbed enough that she can stand and begin walking apprehensively down the street. Walking down the path, she feels a frown grow on her face. There should be _someone_ around. She'd be happy if she could find an animal at this point.

Only the cicadas hum.

A few minutes pass as the tension grows. The pressure in her chest has shifted now, going from suffocating her to choking but still she presses on. A familiar building looms in the street before her. Just as she's about to look up, searching for a name on the building, a cloud moves over the moon and plunges the building into shadow.

The dread in her gut grows.

A shaky breath leaves her lips, her eyes searching around her frantically. She could've sworn she heard someone following her.

With her head ducked down, she approaches the building.

It's the police headquarters, she remembers with a sense of detached recognition. Everything seems to slow down as she nears the doors and she hesitates before them. Her hand is resting on the handle as her mind wars with her body. She knows she needs to go in. Something very important lies behind this entryway but she can't force herself to move.

A gut instinct tells her to drop to the ground and she listens, barely managing to avoid the kunai that was heading straight for her. She jerks her head around, searching desperately for the source. The clouds move from in front of the moon and light the path around her, showing that there's no one there. She's soon distracted by a flash of red in the corner of her eye and she turns her head in the direction.

The air rushes out of her lungs in one fell swoop.

Red is all she sees.

It bathes the walls and pools on the floor. The countertops that once glistened under luminescent lighting are now coated with rivulets of blood. Bodies are strewn across the floor in front of her, slumping over the furniture like dolls. All that remains untouched is the insignia on the wall, bathed eerily in the moonlight.

Bile rises up her throat and joins the blood around her feet. Unable to stand the sight any longer, she turns around and runs blindly away.

She takes more turns than she cares to keep track of, searching for any sign of hope. The smell of death follows her like a ghost, clinging onto her senses no matter how hard she tries to banish it.

Soon, she comes across the residential area.

Everything is too familiar to her. Her body knows this area far too well and soon she's standing in front of a door that all but screams home to her.

It's drowned out slightly by the blaring "stay away" that her mind is screeching.

With a gulp and a shaky hand, she reaches out to open the door. It's too quiet in the house, too reminiscent of the scenes outside. She fights the urge to run away, continuing farther into the house.

There's a light on down the hall, following it she finds herself in the middle of the kitchen. Belatedly, she realizes that she must be in Chiyome's house again. The kitchen is emptier than it was back then, hollowed out of everything that made it warm.

A kettle lies forgotten on the stove, the water long since boiled out. Deliberating for a second, she turns it off before turning and leaving. Someone is bound to be home, she just knows it. She continues aimlessly around the house when the sound of murmured voices reaches her ears. She moves towards it like a girl possessed, trying valiantly to ignore the increasing unease coiling through her.

The engawa is cold under her feet, sending a vicious shiver up her spine. The shuddering doesn't stop when she gets to the room. In fact, it gets worse.

There are no more noises coming from inside but she can still feel the presence of someone inside. Their killing intent is leaking into the air outside, leaving her gasping for air, frozen in place.

She's not sure how but she manages to move through it, pushing open the doors.

She wishes she hadn't.

There, lying in front of her, are the bodies of Chiyome's parents. Blood pools around them, staining the tatami on the floor. She's not sure how long she stares, mouth open in surprise. The bile once again rises up her throat and she's about to give in to the urge when a noise catches her attention.

Standing in the shadows of the room is a man dressed in what her mind registers as ANBU gear. The door collides harshly with her back as she steps away in horror. He follows her movements until he's standing in the moonlight, red eyes glowing.

"Chiyome, you're home early."

The cicadas are silent.

は

She stares dumbly at the boy in front of her, recognizing him as Chiyome's brother. Thoughts are running through her mind so quickly she has no time to latch onto them.

There's no little girl running in to respond to the question which can only mean one thing.

He had called _her_ Chiyome.

He takes a step closer to her and suddenly there's a giant mirror between them. It's the first time she's seen herself since she opened her eyes to darkness.

She stretches an arm out, fingertips barely grazing the surface. Her reflection mimics her, tilting its head to the side as she does hers. It's the same girl that's been running around her mind for ages. Laughing and smiling as if she had no concerns in the world.

There's no joy in her face now.

A fresh wave of horror slams into her as she looks down at the couple bleeding out on the floor. Chiyome's parents. _Her_ parents.

Unbeknownst to her, tears are streaming down her face, mixing with the blood at her feet.

Her eyes drift back up to the boy standing in front of her, sword held aloft in his hands. Her _brother_. The red in his eyes swirls, changing patterns. Their gazes lock and a scream tears through her as her body plummets to the ground.

She clenches her eyes shut but the image of her parents dead on the ground is seared into her retinas. Again and again she falls beside them, coating herself in their blood. On her last fall, she wrenches herself violently to the side in an attempt to avoid them, fully expecting to find herself careening through the shōji.

Instead, she finds herself jerking awake in bed.

Sunlight is streaming into the room, if she listens closely she can hear birds chirping right outside the room. Gasps are forcing their way out of her mouth while she looks around, trying desperately to find her brother.

Itachi, her mind whispers tauntingly.

The memories are slamming into her in waves, threatening to drag her back into what she can only assume is her subconscious. There's a frantic beeping in her ears that she recognizes as the one that has been plaguing her for so long. The more she remembers, the more erratic the beeping gets and it's not long before someone comes bursting into the room.

Her heart practically stops in her chest from the shock. She doesn't even attempt to stop the yell.

Another figure materializes in the room, the dog mask serving as an ANBU identifier. He's standing in between her bed and the man that just entered the room, posture at ease but she's not fooled, she can feel the killing intent leaking slowly into the air.

"Hound-san, I'm going to have to ask you to stand aside." The man has his hands out with his palms forward. Hound cocks his head in response but otherwise doesn't react.

"Hound-san, it's very important that I check on her. This is the first time she's woken up and it's very likely she's about to go into shock. Please step aside." He's speaking in a slow, patient tone but she can feel the tension grow thicker. After a few tense moments, Hound nods and steps beside the bed, standing at her head.

The iryō-nin, of what she's sure he is now, finally makes it to her side, smiling kindly all the while. "Nice to meet you Chiyome-chan, my name is Saigō Takamori." He holds up a hand, coated completely in green chakra. "Now, your heart rate is too elevated so I'm going to need you to take some deep breaths and try to relax while I run some diagnostics. Can you do that for me?" He moves forward at her nod, pressing his hand against her chest.

His chakra invades her system in a sickly rush, coating everything it can find. She tries her hardest to stay calm but it must not be working because soon he's forcing her to make eye contact.

"Follow my breathing, please, Chiyome-chan." It takes a couple of minutes for her to get into the rhythm but soon she finds herself relaxing slightly in the bed as he continues his exam. "Thank you for your cooperation. I'll be back to check on you in a bit."

She doesn't deign to respond, just averts her eyes to the floor. Hound is nowhere to be found, she assumes he left as soon as he could confirm that Saigō had no ill will.

The next few hours are spent drifting in and out of consciousness. Every time she closes her eyes all she sees is red. Red painting the walls, caking the floors, dripping off the sword in her brother's hands.

Red swirling in front of her, glowing brighter and brighter. Three tomoe mixing together to form a single pinwheel. It spins madly, entrapping her in a vision of her parents being slaughtered. Again and again and again.

Her eyes snap open.

She can't stay here, not while _he's_ still out there. Not when she's not safe.

Her movements are stiff as she swings herself out of the bed. There's a twinge of pain in her shoulder marking the spot that _he_ had thrown a shuriken at her. Blinking away tears, she steps out into the hallway.

The hum of machines is the first thing that greets her. It's almost comforting in its consistency. There're voices coming from down the hall, shaking off the déjà vu she follows them.

"Did you hear?" One of the nurses whispers.

"Hear what?"

"The Uchiha were all slaughtered yesterday night. The girl is the only survivor." Their backs are to her, keeping her out of sight. She likes to think that they wouldn't be talking about this if they knew she was there.

"What about her brother?"

There's a pause before she answers. "He's missing."

"You don't think…?"

"It wouldn't be the first time an Uchiha went crazy would it?"

The silence that follows is damning. Her feet carry her farther down the hallways, refusing to linger to hear whatever else they had to say. The path out of the hospital is surprisingly empty with nobody in to check on her.

Wind whips her hair into her face as soon as she steps outside. The scent of rain is heavy in the air and storm clouds are rolling through the sky. She tries not to think about what that means for her.

The streets seem duller, darker than she remembers, as if all the light has been sucked out of it. Her walk home is spent in utter silence, eyes glued to the ground in front of her lest she look up and accidentally make eye contact with someone.

Thankfully, the village seems to be holed up today. Very few people are out on the streets and the ones that are don't send a second glance her way. Whether that be on purpose or not, she doesn't care. It's a welcome reaction to her. She doesn't want to have to think about what happened. Doesn't want to have to look them in the face and tell them what _he_ did to her clan. Her _family_.

Yellow enters her vision and she looks up, reluctantly moving her eyes off the pavement.

They've closed off the Uchiha District.

Tape criss-crosses the entrance, loudly declaring in bold letters: DO NOT CROSS. It looks older than it should, worn down in ways that she wouldn't expect. Distantly, she wonders how long she was out.

Ducking beneath the tape, she resolutely keeps her mind off the people that should be there. Tries to ignore the people she can see in her mind's eye; the elderly couple that would offer her free senbei samples, the newlyweds that always waved hello, the people that she had loved and respected for her entire life. All just gone.

She finds herself in front of her home in no time, hesitating for what feels like forever in the entryway. Her slippers are there, bright blue and waiting but she decides to forego them.

Eyes find the floor again and she's moving without really processing, allowing her body to take her wherever it wants to go.

She should've paid more attention.

The double doors that have haunted her every moment stand before her, unaware of the horror they're keeping from her eyes. Her hands are on the handles, lingering in a far too familiar way. With a heavy inhale, she pushes the doors open.

Whoever had put the tape up hasn't been around to clean yet. Blood has long since dried into crusts on the ground, surrounding the chalk outlines that mark where her parents fell. It almost looks like a hug, she muses.

Tears swell up in her eyes and she does nothing to stop them as they pour down her cheeks. Sobs rattle violently out of her, throwing her down to her knees. Breathless cries are falling from her mouth, desperate pleas for her parents to come back. To sweep her off the ground in endless hugs and kisses. For her brother to walk in and save her. Claim this was some extreme genjutsu training, everything was fine and something like this would never happen again.

Her head droops down, meeting her knees on the ground. Exhaustion courses through her veins, draining her of any energy she has left.

Slowly, her body starts to shut down and without noticing, she falls asleep.

は

She wakes up in a bed.

Her heart is immediately in her throat, convinced that he's come back for her. Before she can devolve into a panicking mess, Saigō walks into the room. There's a scowl on his face and she bites back the urge to flinch.

"Chiyome-chan, I understand that you must be anxious about your situation but you mustn't leave without approval, okay?" She nods obediently. "Good, now you're going to have a very important visitor in a few minutes so try not to do anything too reckless okay?" She nods again.

They spend the rest of the check-up in complete silence, bordering on uncomfortable. She wishes that they could stay that way but soon he's hustling out of the room, shooting her one last kind smile.

She lies there with bated breath, blood rushing to her head as she waits.

A breeze drifts through the room. She had never noticed that the window was open. A creak breaks through the silence, catching her attention. The door is slowly opening in front of her, allowing a masked ANBU to come in.

Three steps behind him is the Hokage.

He's a striking figure in white and red practically dominating the room. His eyes are shadowed by the hat on his head and though she likes to think she's not extremely intimidated, the rapid beeping gives her away. Their eyes meet and she flinches back, fully expecting to see red.

She doesn't expect the smile.

The look on his face is gentle. Liver spots litter his cheeks, creating the illusion of a kindly grandfather. A scoff rises unbidden in her throat that she tries desperately to swallow back. Suspicion must show clear on her face though, because his eyes harden ever so slightly, his posture shifting to something more official, less personable.

"Uchiha Chiyome," His voice rumbles throughout the room, "I hear you had quite the adventure yesterday."

His statement hangs heavy in the air, adding pressure to an already tense situation. She pretends not to notice the ANBU shifting behind him.

Suddenly he laughs, a loud bellow that shakes her to her bones. "The hospital can be a tough place to stay, that's for sure." He perches himself in the chair next to her bed, reaching out and patting her on the hand.

They both ignore her flinch.

"But Chiyome-chan, you shouldn't disappear like that, you gave quite a few people a very big fright." He waits until she gives her agreement before continuing. "There's much I would like to ask you, but I'm sure you have some questions of your own."

Silence lingers for a second too long before she realizes that he's waiting for her to say something. "Oh, um-," her voice croaks from disuse, "uh where-where can I stay?"

"There's a lovely apartment near the Academy that I hear has just gone on the market."

 _Near the Academy_ , she cants her eyes at him. _As close to the Hokage Tower as you can get._

"Can I-Can I go see it?" The words tumble out of her mouth in an unsure whisper. She clenches her hands in her lap, fully expecting him to say no.

"Of course." His fingers twitch at his side, as if reaching for something, before stilling.

Her eyes drift over to the one ANBU she can see in what she hopes is a casual manner.

"Though you might see them, I assure you they mean you no harm." When they make eye contact again, the Hokage's eyes are twinkling. "If you decide you like the apartment, I encourage you to come to my office. We can organize the move together." With that, he rises from his chair and with a casual farewell, he walks out the door.

The window shuts.

は

Saigō seems flustered when she tells him that she'd like to leave. Apparently the Hokage hadn't discussed it with the iryō-nin beforehand but really, who would argue with him?

He manages to stop his flailing quickly, though, and leads her outside with stern warnings not to overwork herself. He doesn't leave until she promises.

The walk is much shorter than the one she took yesterday. Livelier, too. At some point during the time she slept the rain clouds moved on from Konoha, leaving the sun shining brightly in the sky. People are outside now, basking in its warmth, greeting each other and smiling and laughing.

She hates it.

It's not necessarily that she wants everyone else to suffer alongside her but all she can think is _how dare they_. Do they not realize what just happened? That an entire clan was slaughtered by one of their own. That a significant amount of the population is just gone. That she's the only survivor. That men, women, children, and elderly were murdered without prejudice leaving her painfully alone.

Do they just not care?

Her mind drifts back to the Hokage's casual attitude and she tries not to focus on the resentment in her gut.

It just _doesn't make sense._

She wants to scream at everyone around her, demanding to know why they're behaving like this. Just as she opens her mouth, however, her mother's voice drifts through her ears.

" _There'll be times, Chiyo, when you'll be faced with uncomfortable situations. A good shinobi will be able to deal with it quietly, a great shinobi will turn it to their advantage."_

With grit teeth, she barely refrains from searching for dark blue hair and pale skin. Her eye twitches with the beginnings of tears.

"Yo Chiyome!" A voice calls out urgently. "Where've you been? I've heard some crazy rumors dattebayo!" Warm eyes and a bright smile greet her when she looks up.

She scowls.

Giving no response, she continues on her way, resolutely ignoring the blonde that's taken to following her.

"Hey! Why are you ignoring me dattebayo?" His voice grows squeaky in indignation. Naruto reaches out to grab her arm but is quickly thrown off and back by a punch aimed at his head.

"Leave me alone _usuratonkachi_." She spits at him, glaring ferociously. Leaving no time for him to react, she takes off, determined to put distance between them.

Apartment be damned, she just wants to _leave_.

The world blurs around her as she moves, not stopping until she streaks into the Uchiha training grounds. It's purely muscle memory that lands her back here and when she realizes just where she is, she freezes in place.

There are two shinobi standing in the middle of the field. One throwing shuriken at a log while the other lazily spins a kunai around his finger. They're too far away for her to be able to see any identifying details, the only things she can recognize are the jōnin flak jackets they wear.

For a moment, she manages to convince herself that they're Uchiha.

The illusion shatters once they start speaking.

"It's a shame nobody's going to be able to take these places over." The one throwing the kunai grumbles.

"Sage knows they're just going to go to waste." His partner says back. "Think the Hyuuga will make a move for them?"

A mocking laugh rings through the space. "Could you imagine? To go from being such an... _honorable_ clan to having the Hyuuga play clean up."

"And they toted Itachi around like he was the next Hokage."

"Heh. The Nidaime's probably dancing in his grave."

"All of that worthless pride and now all they have left is that one kid in the Academy."

Before the other can respond, a messenger hawk catches their attention. A quick shunshin later leaves her alone in the field but their words still echo loud and clear.

Another voice, smooth and gentle soon joins them.

 _Live on in shame. Run, run and cling on to your wretched life. Then one day come face me with the same eyes I bear now._

Bitterness claws up her throat, shredding everything in its wake. It pools in her mouth, drowning her from the inside out before it breaks free and curls across her mouth in a facsimile of a smile.

 _I'll show them_ , she swears to herself, _I'll show them all just what my_ worthless _pride, my_ wretched _life means._

* * *

 **〆**

* * *

Thanks so much for reading! Please let me know what you guys think!

Chiyo's relationship w/ Naruto is something that had changed as a result of her being born a girl, something that'll be explained a little more thoroughly during the rest of her time in the Academy. Her trying to run away from him and ending up in the Uchiha training grounds because of that interaction led her to overhearing that conversation and subsequently is something that's imprinted in her head as related to Itachi.

Honestly this was pretty hard to write so if you have any critiques or anything to say please let me know! I tried to get more descriptive in this chapter as well and hopefully it worked out for you guys!

Thank you again for reading!


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

一

Screams surround Chiyome, suffocating in how they echo through the air. She stumbles around blindly in the dark, hand reaching desperately for something to grab on to but there's nothing there.

The whistle of a sword cuts through the noise, silence enveloping her in a wretched cocoon.

 _Wake up!_ She screeches in her mind. It's a dream, she knows it's a dream and yet she can't will herself out of it. _Wake up!_

Footsteps are approaching her now, each step measured and confident. Chiyome knows who it is, she _always_ knows who it is, knows that he's gone, knows that he's not coming back; knows that he _could_ come back.

 _Run._ His disembodied voice speaks to her, voice firm as if it were a true command.

She hates herself for almost listening to it. _Cling to your wretched life._ Shutting her eyes tight, she scrambles to her feet, trying again to make her way down the hall.

 _Run._

His voice mocks her from the darkness, growing louder and closer with every step she takes.

 _Wake up!_ She just wants to get away.

 _Run._

 _Wake up!_

 _ **Run.**_

あ

Iruka is one of the most experienced and level-headed chūnin in Konoha. He always wanted to make a move for jōnin but at the Hokage's urging, he put a hold on that dream and instead found himself saddled with a teaching job at the Academy.

It turned out to be something he's tremendously passionate about; shaping the next generation of shinobi, passing on the Will of Fire in much the same way the Sandaime did for him. He can count the number of times he's ever questioned the man on one hand.

Sitting here, across from the surviving Uchiha, he feels he can safely add to the list.

"Chiyome-chan, if you don't feel up to returning, I can talk to Hokage-sama and get him to reconsider." He sets a cup of tea down in front of her.

"No thank you Iruka-sensei." She reaches out for the cup before second guessing, returning her hand to her lap. "If Hokage-sama deems it important to return, then I must honor his wishes." The words are poised, the diction careful and Iruka almost lets himself think it's just a normal conversation with the young girl.

Unfortunately, her hollow eyes completely circumvent any attempts he can make to trick himself. He's not used to this from Chiyome. Of course, as the daughter of the clan head she was always well-mannered but there was always a spark of mischief in her eyes that's sorely lacking now.

Eyes used to shine bright like obsidian under the sun, laughter peeling out of her as she ran around the grounds after letting out one too many teasing remarks.

A thrum of chakra alerts him to the arrival of the ANBU detail following Chiyome around. Biting back a sigh, he sits down behind the desk, he's reluctant to finish the conversation with the audience but he knows that from now until she graduates, there will always be a shadow at her back.

He lifts a packet of papers out of his desk, slipping into teacher mode in seconds. "So, this is what you've missed so far."

 **あ**

It's been three weeks since the Massacre. Chiyome can't tell if that's a blessing or a curse. Time moves in distorted patterns in her world now. Sometimes a day will go by in the blink of an eye and sometimes…..sometimes it just nevers end.

It's a wonder she hasn't lost her mind.

Her days are filled with private lessons with Iruka, playing catch up to the rest of the class. She's not sure she entirely needs the private lessons, the chakra training they're learning now is something Kaa-san had taught her long ago.

("If you're going to be a kunoichi," she had said, "you're going to be the best kunoichi Konoha has ever seen."

"What about Tsunade-sama?"

"I said _the best_.")

Naturally, her feet carry her to the Uchiha training grounds. She stopped fighting the urge after the first week, accepting that this was where she was meant to be. Dropping her bag off by the trees, she goes to the target stumps set up for throwing practice. Hopping up on to it, she lets out a deep breath, centering herself.

Chakra sensing is more than just a skill, it's something innate that certain shinobi are born with; not exactly a bloodline but damn near. Chakra _detection_ on the other hand, where you can gain a general sense of the essence of chakra, is something that can be taught. It's not as certain as sensing, but it's better than nothing and Mikoto was steadfastly determined to teach her the basics, no daughter of her's was going to be caught unawares.

("You'll have to learn very quickly Chiyo-chan, some places see kunoichi as weak, as disposable. When you're on a team mission, you'll be seen as the weakest link and they'll try to take you out first."

"But I'm an Uchiha." Chiyome pouts at her mother.

"Uchiha, Hyuuga, Akimichi, Aburame, it doesn't matter. You always have to be prepared for an attack."

Chiyome considers her mother for a long minute before sighing. "What do I have to do?"

Mikoto smirks at the question before suppressing her chakra. "Let's play a game.")

After the third exhale, Chiyome does her best to dull her chakra down, not completely suppressing it - she doesn't have enough training for that - but enough not to flood her own senses. Before she learned this trick, her mind unconsciously focused on her own body so much that she couldn't map anything past her own fingertips.

It's a long process for her, focusing in on each part of her body, gently tugging at her chakra to peel away like a curtain, exposing the rest of the world to "see".

Her mind is immediately assaulted by the wall of chakra emanating from the trees.

The thing about objects like trees or rivers or mountains is that, once they reach full maturity, their chakra acts as a beacon, bright and unyielding. It makes traveling through forests a piece of cake in the dark but it also drowns out everything around it.

("Do you remember the story I told you about the three genin?" Mikoto asks over dinner one night. It's just the two of them, Fugaku had an emergency meeting with the Hokage and T&I and _he_ was on a solo mission.

Chiyome hesitates for a second, Mikoto had been cramming her head full of stories for the past two weeks. Everything from the birth of the Uchiha clan, to cautionary tales, to fun anecdotes from her time as a genin. Honestly, she's surprised she remembers her own name.

"Are they the ones that got ambushed?" She asks, rolling a tomato around her plate.

"Did I tell you that one already?" Mikoto lets out a small laugh. "I can't keep track anymore."

"You're not the only one." She mutters under her breath, shooting her mother a cheery smile at the glare she gets.

"Well fine, if you don't want to hear anymore why don't you tell it?" And by the tone of voice that's definitely _not_ a request.

Reaching quickly for her water, she tries desperately to recall the actually details of the story. If Kaa-san finds out that she doesn't pay complete, undivided attention when she tells the stories they'll never stop. The water goes down far too quickly for her liking but her mother's eyeing her critically now so there's no getting away.

"Well," she starts, eyes fixed firmly on the window behind her mother, "the Nidaime had given the team a mission. A courier mission, I think? The genin wanted to leave immediately to get it over with but their sensei said not to." She chances a look at Mikoto, relief coursing through her when there's no anger to be found. "They had a meeting without their sensei and decided to head out anyways, it would save them time and their sensei was a good tracker, so he'd find them immediately.

"They left later that night, running straight through the woods, thinking it was a great idea but just before dawn, they were ambushed. Iwa-nin found out about the mission and were waiting for them, hoping to take out their sensei. None of them survived."

"Good, you remembered." Mikoto says. "So, what's the lesson there?"

A fresh surge of panic races through her as she tries desperately to figure out when exactly her mother started hating her. "Um, the lesson is…...to always trust your sensei?" A nervous smile curves her lips as she looks to Mikoto.

Mikoto smiles in turn, not bothering to hide her amusement. "No Chiyo-chan. While it's true that your sensei is someone you should trust infinitely, that's not the lesson here. Try again."

"If that's not it then, maybe it's….uh...maybe it's always expect an enemy?"

"Hm, that's close. But not quite it." Mikoto tilts her head to the side, narrowing her eyes slightly. "Try one more time, if you don't get it then, I'll tell you."

Chiyome genuinely considers just giving some random answer in the hopes of speeding the conversation along but she knows her mother and if she tried that, she'd be forced to run laps from the house all the way to the cut off for the Hyuuga district.

"Always look where you're going?" That seems vague enough to get away with.

Mikoto's blooming smile is a true surprise. "That's exactly right, Chiyo-chan." At her daughter's confused expression she continues. "Okay, not _exactly_ right, but quite close. Even though it was dark, the genin made the mistake of not looking where they were going by not mapping the chakra signatures of the forest."

"But wouldn't it not matter because the Iwa-nin would be suppressing their chakra?"

"They were waiting for the genin's sensei who they knew would only move out during the daytime. Even if they started suppressing it once they realized the genin were moving towards them, it still would've been enough time for the team to realize that there was somebody there."

"They still would've gotten attacked."

Mikoto smiles at that, she should've known her daughter wouldn't care for the straightforward answer, Chiyome always manages to think things into oblivion.

"Hm, maybe. But they wouldn't have gotten ambushed." Chiyome regards her with suspicious eyes, head tilting slightly to the side.

"We're going to start detection training aren't we?"

A burst of laughter erupts at the look on her face. "You might just pass for a Nara, Chiyo.")

With a frustrated sigh, Chiyome jumps down from the log, kicking it harshly as she goes. She tells herself she's leaving because she can't focus past the noise from the trees, steadfastly refusing to acknowledge the tears dripping from her eyes.

She takes comfort in the familiar chakra her ANBU detail is giving out.

 **あ**

Sedated.

That's the only word that can describe Iruka's classroom this morning. Never before has a group of seven year-olds been so calm. Everyone's trying their hardest to remain silent and the few ones that do make noise are immediately treated to harsh looks from their classmates.

Choji isn't even eating his chips out of fear of crunching.

For a second, Iruka enjoys the silence in the room, basking in the serenity of it. A quick look at the girl sitting at the center desk quickly bring him back down to earth. He wishes he could tell the children to act normally but how do you punish kids that aren't doing anything bad?

"Quit being so quiet?" Yeah, like that wouldn't kick his ass later on.

He slides into his chair, cautiously watching Chiyome stare straight ahead.

 _Stop treating her like an "other"._ He wants to scream at the kids. She came back to class way too soon, the trauma has to still be fresh in her mind. The Sandaime is a brilliant man but he's wrong about this, Iruka knows. It's too much, too soon for such a young child, hell _he_ could barely handle it when the Nine-Tails had killed his parents but at least he was older, at least he had people that understood.

His gaze shifts to the clock hanging at the back of the classroom. Three minutes. That's all he has to get himself together.

 _Don't treat her like an "other"._ He coaches himself. _She's your student, a good student._ His gaze shifts back to her. _Do_ _ **not**_ _treat her like an "other"._

Two minutes.

Chiyome's eyes are fixed firmly on the board in front of her. She knows that the rest of the kids are watching her every moment, waiting for her to break down or explode or kami knows what else. If she's right Choji isn't even eating anything.

A part of her wishes she had fought the Hokage harder on not coming back to school, wishes she had stayed holed up in her pathetic apartment far away from the Uchiha District. But another part of her, reverberating with the echoes of her parents' voices urges her to keep going.

" _Strength,"_ Fugaku's voice hums through her, " _is nothing in the face of indomitable spirit."_

And that's what she is. Indomitable. It doesn't matter what the villagers say. Doesn't matter what the shinobi say. Doesn't matter what _he_ says. She _is_ and that's all that matters. Rolling her shoulders back, she stares at the board again.

One minute.

She hopes they'll get used to her soon. She doesn't want any bit of the popularity she had before, she just wants to be treated like another kid. It's bad enough that the civilians don't know how to control themselves around her but what's she supposed to do if the people that are _supposed_ to be her friends do it too.

She bites down the sneer forming on her face. No, they haven't done anything bad yet. Sure, they're not acting normal but nothing bad has actually happened.

30 seconds.

That's all she needs to get through until lunch.

"Alright kids, today's lesson is very important." Iruka claps his hands together. "We'll be dealing with your first introduction to hand signs."

The _thunk_ of Shikamaru's head slamming against his desk was the most satisfying sound she had heard all week.

"The first hand sign you're going to learn is called 'boar'-" Tuning Iruka out was a skill that Chiyome had developed long ago. While he's a good teacher, being a clan kid meant that she was being taught all of this information the second she was out of the womb. Really, the only lesson clan kids learn at the Academy is cooperation.

Clan lessons are so private and exclusionary that if each kid was only taught like that, they'd never be able to function on a team. Each one would consider their experience and knowledge the paramount of shinobi training and assuredly, people would die. Maybe that's part of what made the Nidaime create it, normalize it as a part of shinobi training.

Just as Iruka starts to get into the nitty-gritty details of how exactly the boar sign came to be, the door slams wide open and in walks the personification of overexuberance.

"Naruto! What do you think you're doing?" Iruka's voice barks out.

"What do you think? I'm coming to class, dattebayo!" Naruto glances around the room quickly, passing Chiyome over once before snapping his attention back to her.

"Chiyo-chan!" He bounds up to her, Iruka's death stare completely ignored. "Are you back already?" The girl stays staring ahead, hoping she can will this interaction to stop. "Hey Chiyo-chan, are you ignoring me?" He shoves his face into her's, bright blue eyes blinking quizzically.

Before she can start to respond, a voice calls out from the front of the classroom. "Of course she is you baka!" Sakura turns around in her seat, glaring at the boy. "Leave her alone!"

"Seriously, sit down! We're _trying_ to learn here." Ino's voice joins her from the desk across from Chiyome.

"Hah! Like you pea brains would ever learn anything." Kiba sneers at her and that's all it takes, the four rapidly devolve into a screaming mess, even managing to get the other kids involved. She's pretty sure Naruto snuck in a compliment for Sakura somehow. Her attention turns to Iruka again, an amused twinkle creeping into her eyes as his head grows three times larger, steam is practically gushing out of his ears as his face turns an unbecoming shade of red.

"ENOUGH!" Iruka slams his lecture book onto the desk, silencing the room in a second. "Naruto," he mutters through gritted teeth, "sit _down_."

Naruto opens his mouth, another torrent of "enthusiastic speaking" at the tip of his tongue but controls himself at the growing intensity of Iruka's glare. He glances at Chiyome for a second before turning away with a huff, plopping himself down at the far back desk, glaring in turns at the backs of her, Ino, and Sakura's heads.

He'll never know just how grateful she is for his utter disregard for politeness in that moment.

* * *

 **〆**

* * *

Hello everyone, long time no see! Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you guys think, anything you don't like or don't understand or really anything at all, I would really appreciate it. I know I fell off the face of the earth for a little while there but I'm got a plan to post more regularly from now on. Thank you again for reading. 3


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

一

Chiyome bites back the scoff rising in her throat, instead shifting her energy into turning disdainful eyes on the adults in the room.

" _Uchiha-san," her ANBU guard had called out to her, "Hokage-sama is requesting your presence at the Clan Head's meeting. You will be escorted there in three hours."_

She had wanted to protest then but the ANBU had slipped into the shadows so quickly there was no time to react so here she sits, the Ino-Shika-Cho trio on one side and Shibi Aburame on the other.

"Mission fees paid to the village must be increased due to the rise in the civilian population." The Hokage reads off from the list of proposals compiled by the Civilian Committee. "Expansion is necessary along with an increased amount of maintenance to continue making Konoha an appealing place for foreign dignitaries and visitors."

Hiashi Hyuuga lets out a noise at that; not quite a scoff because he's far too dignified for that but near enough. "The shinobi already pay for the majority of the infrastructure of the village, how much more do they expect us to give?"

Ikeda Masaru, the elected representative of the Civilian Committee, speaks up at that. "We understand the plentiful sacrifices the shinobi make, Hyuuga-san, but it is a fact that the wealthier portion of Konoha is almost exclusively the shinobi class."

"I understand Masaru," Chiyome tries to contain her shock at the informal address, Hiashi Hyuuga is even more by the book than her father and for him to speak in such a disrespectful tone means he must truly dislike Masaru, "however the majority of the shinobi are in fact located in the Genin Corps, whose only source of income are the D and C-rank missions provided by clients such as the civilians within Konoha's walls. An increase in the amount they must pay to the village's coffer would be directly affecting their livelihood."

"What would the increase be for anyways?" Tsume Inuzuka barks out, arm thrown casually over the back of her chair.

"The maintenance of the village, Inuzuka-san." Masaru says it in a gentle voice, but he's in a room full of shinobi (plus Chiyome) and they can read the irritation clear as day.

"What does that _mean_?" Tsume takes over the i̶n̶t̶e̶r̶r̶o̶g̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ _questioning_ from Hiashi and the meeting quickly devolves from there until the Sandaime breaks into the conversation in an attempt to mediate.

"Masaru-san, while the proposal is appreciated, you know as well as I that without majority consent from _both_ groups no proposal will pass." Masaru opens his mouth to protest but he's spoken over. "I'm sure the Committee has more ideas and amendments they would like to make to this proposal so it is my recommendation that it be further reviewed." He moves onto the next proposal in his stack, dutifully ignoring the irritation leaking from Masaru like a faucet.

Chiyome is beginning to think that Masaru and the Clan Heads don't get along very well considering the next proposal is met with the same brusque dismissal and cautions a glance to the people on either side of her.

Shikaku Nara seems to be asleep, head propped up on his fist while Inoichi Yamanaka has shifted into watching Masaru with a far too interested eye and Choza Akimichi has….pulled out a to-go box and has managed to finish half its contents. Seeing her watching him, he kindly offers her a piece of shrimp tempura and...well it would be utterly impolite to say no.

On her other side, Shibi Aburame seems to be paying the same detached attention he was displaying previously but looking closer, she sees one of his kikaichu sitting by his ear. She tilts her head at that, wishing she could hear what he was listening to instead of sitting here, bored out of her mind.

Her head snaps forward when Tsume jumps up, knocking her chair backwards, her already thin patience completely worn down.

Chiyome sighs before leaning back in her seat, her appreciation for being on the quiet side of the table growing rapidly.

奇妙

"So, Chiyome-chan, how did you enjoy your first meeting?" Inoichi asks once they leave the building, tone probing rather than kind. Chiyome appreciates the transparency of the moment but she can't help the disgruntled face she makes in return. Shikaku coughs a laugh at the face she makes, hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck.

"Have you eaten yet Chiyome-chan, you can come with us to the restaurant if you'd like." Her mind flashes back to the meal he's just eaten and though she's known Choji for years and is well aware of the Akimichi reputation, she still barely holds back the surprise at his suggestion.

Shikaku's laugh tells her she didn't do a very good job.

It takes her a few minutes to consider the suggestion, eyeing each man individually and then the three as a whole. None of them change their positions, each exhibiting the exact same level of calm assurance, seemingly willing to wait as long as it takes for a response.

(In another world where Chiyome's not Chiyome and is instead an achingly lonely young boy, they frown at the suggestion, convinced that this is a pity invite and enraged at the thought. They think of all the ways every adult they trusted betrayed them, abandoned them and they're just _so very hurt_ and so they mutter a no before retreating to their apartment, resigning themself to a loneliness that no one deserves.

But in this world, they're not the spare to an heir. In this world, Mikoto drilled politics into _both_ her children's heads.

In this world, she nods yes.)

"That is very kind." She doesn't smile, she doubts she will again, but her expression brightens considerably. "I haven't eaten dinner yet."

Inoichi's eyes practically shine at her words and he reaches out - being careful not to touch her - and herds her towards the Akimichi restaurant. The restaurant is located in the center of the village for ease of access for both shinobi and civilians, making it different from the other shinobi-owned businesses, most of which are exclusive with minimum mission requirements. Hell, some members of the Genin Corps can't even make it until they're well into their career.

It's not necessarily about keeping the groups separate from one another but it's undeniable that there aren't very many shared values. Ninja feel that the violence that haunts their every day is an unfortunate reality, their counterparts can't imagine a life lived that way. Instead, they feel comfortable talking about their emotions and their weaknesses openly in a way that most shinobi envy. Between the secretive tendencies of the former and the openness of the latter, discomfort is bound to exist.

Add alcohol and money and you've got a disaster waiting to happen.

So, in an effort to create an environment wherein the shinobi can actually relax and destress, an understanding developed where what is open to civilians is open to shinobi but what is open to shinobi _can not_ be open to civilians.

(Though it doesn't seem to have helped the tension much.)

The four of them amble into the restaurant, Choza breaking off briefly to head to the kitchen and greet his wife.

(Chiyome steadfastly refuses to acknowledge that it should be her parents here instead of her, looking at each other with as much love, _more love_ than how the Akimichis look at each other.)

Inoichi maneuvers her into a booth in the corner of the restaurant, far away from the glances being thrown her way. They sit in a content silence, waiting for Choza to come back. The adults seem to be communicating with one another without speaking a word. She's not sure if it's a by-product of how long they've known each other or just an additional skill for the Yamanaka head.

 _Freaky._

Pushing the thought aside, she asks the question that's been on her mind. "What's up with Masaru?"

She certainly inherited her tact from Fugaku.

"Whatever do you mean?" Inoichi asks, twinkle still shining in his eye. She regards him with suspicious eyes, she _hates_ when people aren't straightforward with her. Though she won't ever speak it out loud, it's one of the many reasons she's so uncomfortable around the Sandaime.

"Hyuuga-san and Tsume-san were determined to tear him apart and nobody stepped in." She says bluntly.

"And why do you think that is?"

She fights back the eye roll. "I don't know, that's why I'm asking."

Inoichi conceals a smile, not put off in the least by Chiyome's brusque manner. "What did you think of the proposal then?"

She mutters a 'thank you' to the young Akimichi girl that drops off drinks for the table before responding, frowning openly at the men before her. "It wasn't a good plan." She continues at the prompting looks the man gives her. "Like Hyuuga-san said, it's not fair to all of the genin that are stuck barely making it." Choza has joined them now, carrying over enough food to feed the entire Uchi-

She stops herself before she can finish the thought.

"But what about your thoughts?" Choza asks this time, taking a break from the grilled chicken in front of him. "Before Hiashi and Tsume got the chance to say anything, what did you think?"

Chiyome considers the gyudon in front of her for a long moment before reaching for the spicy sauce and pouring it on. She ignores the affronted look on Choza's face.

"It seemed...selfish?" She hazards, taking her time to chew through her mouthful. "The civilians are important, but the ninja aren't just the workhorses to keep their lives running easy. There are rich civilians, why don't they get taxed more?"

"Can you name any rich civilians off the top of your head?"

She stares blankly for a few minutes before a light goes off. "Whoever owns the Shima Mart, that's where everyone shops."

"You know Shima is a mix of two names, Shibumi and…" Shikaku trails of meaningfully, speaking directly to her for the first time tonight. She blinks her eyes quizzically, wondering what in the world this had to do with her question until it finally clicks.

"Masaru."

"Exactly." Inoichi says, "He cares more about lining his pockets than anything else, including the village, and it's plain as day."

Another silence ensues, tenser than the one before it. They're quickly approaching dangerous territory for adults much less kids and all of the Mikoto Uchiha lessons in the world would not be enough to prepare her for a frank discussion of politics at the moment.

"Shouldn't you be more hesitant in telling me this?" She asks, suspicion clear on her face. Shikaku will never tell her but looking at her in that moment, he can see Fugaku.

"Maybe," Inoichi nods his head, before stilling and eyeing her with a much more sober look than he's used all night, "but there's a lot of people at play in Konoha and it's better that you not get swept up in it."

Unbidden, her mind drifts to the memories of hushed conversations between Fugaku and Mikoto in the dead of night; the cryptic words, the anxious glances, the _fear_.

A yakitori stick is shoved under her nose before she can sink further into her thoughts.

"Eat up, Chiyome-chan." Choza passes her another three skewers when she takes it from his hand. "You can worry about this stuff later."

She nods once before burying her face in her food with as much grace as she can muster (read: none).

("Are you sure that was a good idea?" Choza asks once they've seen Chiyome back to her street. They don't follow her to her apartment, knowing she would take it as an insult regardless of the fact that she's not a genin yet.

Inoichi sighs, world weary and exhausted, "No," He turns to look his friend in the eye. "But you saw the way they reacted to the news and she deserves to know that not everyone's intentions are good."

Choza returns his stare evenly, knowing there was more than just that. Inoichi holds it for a moment longer before sighing again, a wistful one this time.

"She looks the exact same as when she was a baby." He mutters lowly. "What am I supposed to do?")

奇妙

Chiyome trudges through her door, exhausted after the long day she had. Inoichi's voice is ringing in her ears and she can't figure out if it was a warning or a threat.

" _Does it matter?"_ she asks herself. _"Would it really change anything?"_

No, it wouldn't. Regardless of his intentions, Chiyome knows better than anyone else in this village how little you can trust those around you. The panic surges up her throat, bashing against her teeth in an effort to let out an agonized scream. Her eyes dart around for something to ground herself to, to keep her in the moment instead of slipping back and back and ba-

"ANBU-san," she calls out a tad bit desperately, "would you care for some tea?"

Chiyome's never tried this before, perfectly content to live her life as a glorified zoo animal, constantly watched with bated breath to see when she would try to break her chains (maybe she's not quite so content) but that damned Yamanaka is _still_ echoing in her ears and she just needs s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶m̶p̶a̶n̶y a distraction.

Of course, she doesn't get a response.

A sigh escapes her. She's not sure what she expected, ANBU are meant to be neither seen nor heard, why would they make an exception for her?

The only thing special about her was what _that man_ did to her family. As she turns to head towards her room, something catches her eye.

There's a teacup lying on the table in front of her.

Chiyome absolutely 100% _is not_ thankful.

She pads over to the kitchen, going through the practiced motions of getting her kettle going. She's not a fan of tea herself, associating it far too heavily with a much better time in her life but it's not like she can offer them food, of all the things her mother taught her, cooking was not one of them. A few minutes later and the tea is brewed, she sets the cup of tea back on the table. Her back turned to it, she barely notices the whisper of air that hits her as the ANBU finishes their tea.

The only indication anyone was ever there is the empty cup and the lone strand of purple hair.

* * *

 **〆**

* * *

Hello everyone~ I know this was a slower chapter but I'll be getting back into Academy training next chapter, hopefully with quite a bit more angst and heartbreak. Thank you so much for reading, I really appreciate it and please let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 5

一

Chiyome frowns openly at the boy in front of her. For some reason she can't quite understand, she's been paired up with him for taijutsu practice by Iruka. Speaking of, she glares at him out of the corner of her eyes, growing in intensity when she sees him flinch.

"Hey!" The boy, Toguro Makihara if she remembers correctly, shouts. "Don't underestimate me!"

She scoffs, looking off to the side. "I don't estimate you at all."

Makihara rears back, inexplicably shocked at the insult before letting out a yell and barreling towards her.

Chiyome's eye twitches.

There is _zero_ technique as he bum rushes her, his weight is pitched forward leaving him ready to topple over at any moment. She sidesteps him once he's within a few steps of her, rearing her elbow up and slamming it without any mercy into his back, he yelps in agony as he crumples into a pathetic lump on the ground.

Her eye twitches again.

Shrill squeaks permeate the air as Iruka blows his whistle, as if it was at all necessary to indicate the fight was over but she obliges, moving off the field to join the rest of the victors and leaving the boy writhing in pain on the floor. She ambles over to the open spot next to Choji, helping herself to the offered bag of chips.

In the six months since the first clan head meeting she was invited to the Hokage had managed to call two more and with the meetings came the "invitation" to dinner. Apparently, Ino-Shika-Cho had decided that she was a perfect fit for their group and had incorporated her into their dinner tradition and at this point, there was no saying "no" to an Akimichi invitation. It helps that out of all three, she feels the most comfortable with Choza. There isn't an exact reason she can pinpoint, she's not foolish enough to think he's in any way weaker than his counterparts but there's something _warm_ about him. Kind and open in ways that completely draw her in, urging her to drop her defenses.

(Sometimes she can pretend the warmth he gives off is Fugaku in henge.)

Throughout her time of getting closer to the older Ino-Shika-Cho, a camaraderie with the younger trio has naturally formed as well.

Well, at least with Shikamaru and Choji.

Her acceptable view of Ino balances on a knife edge, not at all bolstered by Ino's disastrous reaction to finding out who exactly her father has dinner with.

 _("Tou-san," Ino spoke slowly, a chill descending on the group before her, "since when did you start talking to Chiyome-chan?"_

" _Ah," Inoichi began nervously, a sweat drop appearing on his forehead, he glanced around for some help only to find everyone mysteriously looking away, "you see dear, uh…."_

" _It's clan head business." Shikaku supplies once he realizes his friend is well and truly incapable of coming up with anything else._

 _He regrets speaking up when Ino turns her frankly creepy gaze on him._

" _Oh? Am I not a future clan head Nara-san?" The group watches in morbid curiosity as Ino seems to grow three sizes larger._

 _They all proceed to abandon Inoichi immediately when she opens her mouth.)_

Though Ino _has_ seemed to calm down ever since Chiyome gave her and Sakura a bouquet of yellow carnations and butterfly weeds.

Sakura had practically glowed all day until Ino broke the news of what exactly those flowers meant.

(Inoichi had not stopped howling with laughter at that particular dinner. In fact, he still chuckles when he thinks about it.

Never in sight of Ino, of course.)

But where Ino had backed off with her affectionate declarations, Sakura had only become emboldened by the act as if any form of acknowledgment was enough to bolster her dreams. The teary declaration from the pinkette of unwavering loyalty even in the face of extreme adversity was something she desperately wishes she could wipe from her mind.

Chiyome watches her now, nervous and twitchy as she enters the ring. She stands across from another civilian girl by the name of Satsuki Yukino. Neither of them have any technique, dropping into the generic textbook stance of "the prime defensive position" once they make the Seal of Confrontation. The battle lasts far longer than it has any reason to, not because of any discernible skill or impressive feat but because the two girls have resorted to downright dirty plays including but not limited to tugging harshly on each other's hair.

"Hey, hey! Stop that!" Iruka is going wild with his whistle while Chiyome watches them with vague disinterest. It's a shame, really. Both girls scored so high on their theoreticals with nothing to show for it on the field.

But, Chiyome ponders as Naruto prances onto the field, at least they have _something_ to work with.

She's not sure where all this animosity towards the bumbling blonde is coming from. They were friends for so long, even when Mikoto stopped going by Naruto's place, Chiyome was still his friend. So _why_.

Laughter permeates the air as his opponent lands another punch on him and, though she would deny it until she's blue in the face should anyone ask, she loathes to discover that she's _jealous_ of the bastard.

Clear as day, there's green tinting her eyes as she watches his horrific attempt to dodge a punch. How dare he? She's practically seething. How _dare_ he be happy when he has nothing; no friends, no family, he doesn't even really have a home so how is he _happy_.

(Why isn't she?)

She winces as Naruto is slammed _hard_ into the ground, not having to imagine how that felt, Mikoto didn't hold back in their training sessions. Still, Naruto gets up with Iruka's help, loudly calling out how he _will_ be the best. Kiba scoffs in response, yelling out an insult at the young boy but Chiyome can't bring herself to participate.

She can feel it rising in her like a tidal wave about to crest, the rage, the sorrow, the _hate_. Biting it down as best she can, she glances away, trying desperately to keep her emotions under control.

"You okay?" Choji asks her around a mouthful of onigiri and isn't _that_ just a punch to the gut. Her head bobs up and down quickly but the pinch in her eyebrows gives her away. Shikamaru is looking at her now and she knows if she doesn't put a lid on it their attention will get the entire class to look at her and the last thing she wants is for them to see an emotional Uchiha.

("You must learn to control your emotions." Fugaku's voice rumbles through her from her spot on his chest. Some of the older Uchiha kids had been picking on her and though she hadn't yet accessed her chakra, she took great delight in hurling rocks at the losers' heads.

"I tried to Tou-san, I really did." Tears are falling unbidden down her cheeks and though her face is a disgusting mess of tears and snot, Fugaku still melts at the sight.

"I know you did." He touches his forehead to hers. "But there are already so many that are against the Uchiha, you must learn to stand above." His eyes and tone harden at his next words. "Even when they are your own."

Chiyome watches her father with a frown, decidedly not a fan of the look on his face. She rapidly peppers his cheeks with as many kisses as she can in an attempt to distract him. A small smile lights up his face before he returns the attention tenfold, not to be outdone in affection.

"Chiyome-chan," Mikoto's voice calls out, plunging the two into wary silence, "what's this I hear about a fight?")

Not for the first time, Naruto's voice hollering in some ridiculous argument drags the attention away from her.

"Oi, loser!" Kiba's voice barks out. "What are you fighting for now?!"

"Mind your business Kiba!" Naruto shouts back, pausing in his scrap with the other kids who all seem to disappear as Kiba approaches.

"Why don't you make me?" Kiba shoves Naruto's shoulder, a taunting smile crawling across his face. That's all it takes for the boys to descend into a fist fight, insults flying all the way. Noticing the new commotion, Iruka runs over, screeching on his whistle as if it'll get the two to stop.

Chiyome will never understand boys or their friendships.

The rest of the day passes in much the same manner. Abysmal spars on the training ground and heated ones off with Iruka running back and forth like a chicken with its head cut off.

"Alright," Iruka calls out in an exhausted voice, strands of hair have fallen out of his ponytail, a clear sign of his struggle. "That's enough for today. Tomorrow we'll go over the results of the spars. Dismissed."

The kids filter out slowly, the fresh bruises a stark difference from how they usually get home. It's a reminder to them, really, that what they're being trained for isn't some light-hearted fun. The pain and exhaustion and even the damaged ego ringing of humility will become a constant in their life from the moment they graduate until the day they die. For some, this marks the turning point in their education. Here, they go home and they question whether or not they're really cut out for this life; they talk to their friends and their family and they get no sympathy because this is what they signed up for. They'll come in the next day and ask to talk to Iruka in private.

"I'm sorry sensei," they'll say, "but I don't think I can do this."

"I understand," he'll respond, disappointment clear in his eyes, "it's not for everyone." Which is why he doesn't try to stop them. A ninja that's been forced into the role is no good for anyone, they'll die their first day and Iruka is far too young to have that much innocent blood on his hands.

Others still will look to the more accomplished students in comparison. _Do I have what it takes?_ They'll ask themselves and so often they'll find that they come up short. _Is that enough to give up on my dreams?_ And unlike the other ones, they'll find that it's not. A life in the genin corps may not have all the glitz and glamor they were expecting but isn't it better than nothing?

These ones will quietly move to the back of the classroom, participating less if they choose to at all. They'll still try and learn, of course. No one's _told_ them that they can't do it but Iruka will note their withdrawal. He's been a teacher here so long he knows exactly what they're thinking and so he'll respect that, focusing less and less on making sure they understand and just hoping that they'll absorb.

Unlike those that leave the Academy, these ones will be filled with unbridled jealousy because it's not _fair._ They don't care about the clan kids, it was obvious none of them would give up but the other civilians?

"It's a joke, really." They mutter to themselves late at night, thinking about bubblegum hair and green eyes. "Just a complete and utter joke."

But unlike her former classmates (because they can't be comrades if they gave up, she rejects that premise entirely) Chiyome doesn't have a choice. She _must_ graduate and not just graduate but do so as the very best in her class. Her parents didn't raise a fool. Her eyes narrow on sunshine yellow. Her parents didn't raise a Naruto.

"Chiyome-chan," Iruka calls out to her, he's standing next to a Yamanaka and she feels her displeasure grow at the sight, "it's time for an evaluation."

She follows after the two with a curt nod, banishing the thought of a young boy leaning against a tree, all alone in the courtyard.

事

The evaluation, like many things lately, was an utter waste of time.

"The Hokage wants to make sure you're doing well." The Yamanaka had said, voice clear and cool, utterly indifferent.

"He's very concerned about your well being." Iruka piped up, a reassuring smile on his face.

Chiyome frowned at both in turn.

 _If he was so concerned, why did he just let her loose on the world?_ She sneers to herself.

Had she decided to never go to those ridiculous clan meetings or had she said no to Ino-Shika-Cho she would have exactly one adult regularly checking on her and that was just because he's her teacher.

Hell, if she didn't have access to the Uchiha funds she doesn't know how she'd ever survive on the paltry "allowance" she's given.

Still, it's best not to rock the boat so she dully answers like a dutiful shinobi in training, both her and the Yamanaka completely aware that she's lying through her teeth.

By the time she makes it out of the meeting, the school has completely emptied out. Stepping outside, she cautiously looks around, more out of habit than anything else.

(A kunai whizzes past her ear causing her to flail, the bag of trash previously in her hand now scattered around the street.

"Chiyo-chan~" her mother sing-songed, "you _always_ have to check your environment."

Chiyome glared from the ground, hand buried wrist deep in bloodied rags.)

Naruto is still there working through his katas, jacket thrown off and eyebrows scrunched. Another example of the Sandaime's failure. Three times, _three times_ Naruto had been allowed to take the graduation exams when everyone knew he wasn't capable. And does the Sandaime ever step in to help his favorite orphan? No. He allows him to be humiliated again and again. Memories of his sorrow, his _shame_ as he opened the door to accept her delivery of Mikoto's bento race through her mind plummeting her mood even further.

She squares her shoulders and moves in his direction, determined to set him straight. No matter how much he may want it, he's just not good enough. The words are on the tip of her tongue and just as she opens her mouth she notices it. His shoulders are shaking. Panic pools in her gut. She's never seen Naruto cry before, despite how loud and in your face he is, he's never actually shown his sensitive side and she's not interested in being the first one to see it. The time between shakes is growing smaller and smaller and she knows a sob is soon to follow.

"You're leaning too far forward." The words fall out of her mouth before she can stop them and she flinches back, instantly regretting it but her reaction is nothing compared to Naruto's who, in his shock, jerks forward and away from her falling headfirst into the ground.

"Chi-Chiyome." Naruto stutters, surprise clear on his face. They haven't talked since her return to the Academy.

"Do you not know how to balance?" It's a rhetorical question, Mikoto had forced her to teach him the basics after his first time failing the graduation exam, but she gets the exact reaction she was hoping for when he jumps up from the ground, indignation smeared across his face.

"I know how to balance, dattebayo!"

"Then why are you flopping around like that idiot I fought earlier?"

"I was just practicing what it felt like!" Naruto glances away and back quickly, a clear sign he's lying. "I know what I'm doing dattebayo!"

Chiyome scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Sure you do dobe." A smile that she can't understand lights up his face, stretching from ear to ear. More than slightly uncomfortable Chiyome just rolls her eyes again.

Naruto moves over to his discarded jacket, slinging it back on without any concern of what's on it or how he looks. "I'm finished anyways, gotta go to Ichiraku's." He pauses, unsure of whether to ask her or not.

"I have to go to the apartment too."

He nods at her, waving enthusiastically as she turns to leave. She's half way out of the courtyard when he calls her name again.

"I'm uh-I'm…" He trails off, gesturing in circles with his hand leaving her completely confused.

"Spit it out." Her command does little to help him as he continues to stammer, a frown slowly forming on his face.

"I'm just….I'm-," He cuts himself off before taking a deep breath and expelling a stream of noises all at once. He sprints away immediately afterwards, face bright red.

His words would've been difficult for even the Sandaime to understand but she heard it loud and clear, her blood rushing to her head as it reverberates in her ears.

'I'm sorry about what happened.'

事

She jerks up in bed, gasps shaking her whole body.

 _Run._

It was just a nightmare, she reassures herself. Just a nightmare.

 _Run._

She can see the red spinning all around her, again and again a pinwheel of torture. She lays there, holding her breath. The only way out is through and she is desperately trying to make it through. The nightmares have been a regular part of her life ever since she woke up in the hospital, pulled out of that deep darkness that she still considers comforting.

It happens like clockwork, the nightmares come and she's forced awake, clamoring for something to ground her - methods ranging from counting to chakra exercises. When that doesn't work she'll debate herself into circles of the benefits of telling someone; pro: she might get help, con: everyone will definitely know.

Usually, she's able to distract herself enough to fall back asleep.

Only until the next nightmare, of course.

This time, however, she can't fall asleep because _there's something there_. It has to be _him_ , there's no possible way it isn't. They might not be as noticeable before but she knows that ANBU is still following her around and the only one who could make it past them would be _him_.

No air reaches her lungs as her shaky breaths crescendo, a chill freezing her to her bed. She knows knows knows knows _knows_ what _that man_ feels like and this is clearly him, she can practically taste the murderous intent in the air.

For hours she lies there, eyes staring straight up at her ceiling; if she blinks, she's not sure _he_ won't appear. It's a welcome relief when the sun breaks, streams of golden light flowing in from her window and casting all the shadows out. There's no furniture for him to hide behind, no screen doors for him to haunt her with. She edges her way to the window, her heart practically breaking the sound barrier in her chest as she grips the sheet hanging against her window.

With all the courage she has left in her she jerks it back, her heart plunging from her throat to her stomach but all she sees is the ugly blank wall of the Hokage Tower.

Somewhere near a crow caws.

* * *

Not nearly as angsty as I was hoping, I'm trying to get it in without it being the same each chapter but there's some real trauma here that Chiyome's just not willing to unpack. Anyways, thanks for reading! Please let me know what y'all think!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 6

一

Despair soaks into her bones before she even opens her eyes. She knows what day it is, has been dreading it since the start of the month and yet it didn't prepare her at all for what she is feeling.

For a second, she can almost hear rumbling in the kitchen, smell the acrid burn of bread left in the toaster too long and jasmine tea brewed to perfection. Faint giggles reach her ears and she clenches her eyes shut willing the hallucination to go away.

(She was scared of what she would hear if she listened any closer.)

It's a shame for her, really. Once upon a time the Uchiha didn't even care about anniversaries. It was considered crass to celebrate them considering the majority of the clan were combat shinobi and can anyone really imagine celebrating a 3 year anniversary while poor Megumi was just made a widow?

Eventually, as the clan integrated more with the rest of the village, this disregard for anniversaries was cast aside. Uchiha-style celebrations involving kind smiles and extra trays of senbei were adopted instead.

The sounds she's trying so desperately to ignore creep ever closer, suffocating her in their warmth. Not for the first time, she aches for the deep darkness that had encompassed her in ignorance so long ago. She tries to reach for it now - as she has tried so many times before - tries to drag it back around and into her heart but just as she gets a grip on it, it disappears.

Hopelessly angry and heartbroken, she violently throws the covers off practically hurling herself off the bed. The world melts together as she scrambles towards the bathroom, ragged breaths leaving her mouth as she frantically splashes water on her face but it's all for naught.

The happiness that once was her family has sunk its claws deep into her brain and every time she closes her eyes she can see them. _Smiling, alive, warm._ And when she opens them she's reminded of the nightmare world she's living in. _Blood and cold and_ _ **death**_ _._

 _Wake up!_

A voice bellows inside her, almost ravenous in its fury. She's been hearing this voice more often now, rearing its head in the cold dark nights after long, grueling days of training. Chiyome knows she shouldn't find comfort in it, remembers well the lessons Fugaku had given her on staying away from the Uchiha anger but the voice grounds her, supports her and she's found she's been wanting for support lately. The voice mellows out into a low rumble, warmth spreading like wildfire in her bones.

A knock at the window jars her out of her thoughts.

It's not unusual for the ANBU around her to communicate nonverbally and though she's sure she's not meant to know it she's had so little to focus on that she's developed a very rudimentary understanding of what they're saying.

"It's time." The knocks come in rapid succession, a disorienting mix of the standard alphabet and the dialects of Konoha, Fire Temple, and rural Takayama. Had someone with no express knowledge of the regional variants attempted to crack the code they would've been led far and away to the civilian grain mills.

She barely has time to frown at the tapped out message before the air shifts behind her.

"Uchiha-san."

"I know." The words are a struggle to force out, tone weary and exhausted in a way no child should be. For a moment she considers slinking into the Hokage's office dressed as she is, hair still mussed from her nightmares but Fugaku's voice rings in her ears.

"Get yourself together." He would say with a voice rumbling low like thunder and soft eyes.

"5 minutes" is knocked onto the window, whether the message is meant for her or the ANBU she doesn't know. Resolutely, she wipes the tears from her eyes and turns to get dressed. Hopefully the Hokage has enough sense to let her leave early today.

She walks there in complete silence, eyes straight ahead and completely discounting every greeting sent her way. For some reason, the sun is shining.

The chunin at the desk tries to stop her from heading straight up to the Hokage's office but a quick flash of chakra from the ANBU has him stopping short, sinking back into his chair muttering about spoiled brats.

Chiyome pauses at the door to the Sandaime's office, hand stopped an inch away from a knock. She needs to do this, there's no getting around a direct summons from the Hokage, but she's _so_ tired.

"Come in." His voice booms from the other side of the door and she takes a deep, centering breath before finally heading in. The Hokage cuts an imposing figure in his chair with his hat tilted forward, shadowing his eyes. His pipe is held in his hand and she watches as he takes a long drag from it before smiling slightly. The smoke flows out from his nostrils and she's struck still at the sight of a dragon before her.

"Chiyome-chan, it's good to see you." A warm voice calls out from the side, she turns her head to see soft blond and green watching her kindly.

She tries valiantly to keep the betrayal out of her face as she stares at Inoichi but from the pinch in his brows she doesn't quite succeed.

"Please sit down." The Hokage orders from behind his desk, hat lifting slightly from his eyes. Chiyome obliges, moving stiffly to the seat placed dead center in the room, staring Inoichi down all the way.

A gentle rumble gets her to jerk her eyes away and back to the Sandaime, a knowing twinkle in his eye as he watches her. She bites down the frown creeping up, wondering just what exactly he sees when he looks at her. The three descend into a decidedly awkward silence leaving Chiyome disoriented. When she had gotten the missive demanding her attendance, she had thought there would be a fair bit more talking.

Eventually, Inoichi - having grown tired of just staring at the girl - begins talking. It's meaningless drivel designed specifically to get her to relax.

She hates that it works.

It's only after Inoichi has gotten her to loosen up, returned the light - though it's just a dull variation of it - into her eyes that the Sandaime speaks.

"Chiyome-chan, do you know what day today is?"

And she just _freezes_ because what kind of question is that? The absolute nerve, the audacity to sit there and ask her that?

 _He doesn't care for you._ The voice inside her rumbles, curling through her blood and turning it to fire. _He wants to see you ache._ Her finger twitches in response, completely absorbed with what the voice is saying. What proof does she have otherwise anyways?

"It's the anniversary of when the Uchiha signed the armistice with the Senju that eventually led to the creation of Konoha."

She goes completely blank for a minute, even the Voice's pleased rumblings stop short in confusion. Bafflement is clear on her face, eyebrows scrunched together and lips pulled into a tight frown. The Sandaime blinks and he can swear for a minute Fugaku is sitting in front of him.

"I'm sorry Sandaime-sama, I don't believe I fully understand." Another smile quirks the man's lips, she even talks just like him.

"We, the entire village of Konoha, owe the Uchiha and Senju a great debt of gratitude for all the sacrifices that have been made for our betterment." He watches with keen eyes as her hands turn into fists in her lap. "But I fear, Chiyome-chan, that we had not thanked them enough for all that they had done and now we have only the opportunity to thank you for all you have done and, as you continue your shinobi training, for all that you will do."

The Hokage stops for a minute, truly considering the girl in front of him. He's got a choice to make in this very instant of whether to push or not but the doubts raised in the last Council meeting have been front and center in his mind. He knows that she'll resent him for this but for the betterment of the village he _must_ continue on.

(He hopes Fugaku and Mikoto will understand.)

"One of those things, Chiyome-chan, is to disclose any information you may have in regards to your brother's actions." Both Chiyome and Inoichi go completely still at that but Sarutobi has a point to make and he will not let his sympathy for the girl get in the way of his duty.

Her mouth twists into something vicious and he can practically see the insults slamming around her mind. Watery eyes were something he expected but the fire toiling in them draws more of his attention but before he can truly begin to analyze it, she blinks. Her face takes all of a few seconds to completely cool into the traditional Uchiha stoicism but the tight grip she has on her chair's arms gives her away.

"Hokage-sama," she grinds out, "are you asking if I allowed my clan to be slaughtered."

He decides not to respond allowing the silence to answer for him, barely acknowledging the sharp intake of breath from Inoichi.

(And resolutely ignoring the aggressive flare of chakra from outside his window.)

" _No_." The fire returns to her eyes but she's unable to quell it this time. She shifts her fiery gaze to Inoichi, an accusation practically searing him into place.

"Ah yes, Yamanaka-san is here in case you desire to talk to anyone." The man in question shifts uncomfortably, all three distinctly aware of what the Hokage is implying

They descend into another silence, this one rife with tension.

(The Voice howls all the while.)

"I have answered your question honestly and have no need for someone to poke around my brain."

He watches her for another few moments, gaze heavy as he takes in her eyes. For a moment, he thinks he can see red but e plays it off as a trick of the eyes. It would do no good for her or the village if she were to develop the Sharingan at this point.

He dips his head in a nod. "Very well then Chiyome-chan, you may leave."

She gets up immediately, not a bow in his direction or a glance in Inoichi's. The Yamanaka himself rises from his seat, obviously determined to follow her out of the office in an attempt to assuage her concerns and comfort her but the Sandaime is not done with this meeting.

"Inoichi-san, please wait a moment."

それ

Chiyome is lost.

Not directionally, of course, Mikoto had her run through the alleys and sprawling streets so often she could walk around with no sight or sound and still make it around just fine. But mentally, Chiyome is struggling.

The meeting with the Hokage was not just _beyond_ strange, it was infuriating. She's not sure what exactly he was trying to get out of her, she's completely certain he knows that she doesn't have any information on what happened so what _was_ that?

 _I already told you._

"Chiyome!" A voice barks out at her but she's too caught up in replaying the Hokage's words to really pay attention. A sigh sounds behind her followed by some mumbled words. Distantly, she realizes that someone is jogging up to her.

 _You already know what they think of you._

"Chiyome." The boy sighs again when he elicits no response from her, letting out a muttered "troublesome" before slinking into step beside her. The two walk around in silence, both completely lost in their own thoughts.

 _What will you do about it?_

Eventually, they end up on the street that would lead them to the abandoned Uchiha District. Shikamaru stops short at the sight, turning fully to look carefully at Chiyome but she's still too lost in thought to notice. As she nears the end of the street, Shikamaru reaches out and jerks her back.

Her body moves completely on its own, gripping the arm holding her and shifting her hips to throw him. She comes back to herself just before she can break his arm.

She lets go of him in shock, scuttling away and towards the end of the alley. Turning to look over her shoulder at the empty street, the blood drains out of her face.

She is _not ready_ to be here. She doesn't think she ever will be.

Miserably, she collapses to her knees. A sob rises in her throat but she bites it back, determined not to cry in front of her not-quite friend.

 _Do not cry_ , the Voice whispers, _crying is weakness. Turn your tears into something greater._

"Come on." Shikamaru says, inadvertently cutting it off. He's standing a ways away from her, arm held close to his side but he still waits for her to get up before turning around and walking in the opposite direction.

He doesn't lead her to any specific spot, content to just continue ambling aimlessly throughout the village. After their third lap around, Chiyome finally pulls herself out of her misery long enough to stare despondently at the Hokage Tower.

"It's my parents' anniversary today."

Shikamaru stills at that, turning wide eyes to the girl beside him. She meets his eyes with watery ones of her own. He sighs again, reaching out slowly to grab her wrist and drag her behind him.

"We're having cold soba tonight."

Chiyome dutifully follows him around, no life or energy in her movements. Eventually, she looks up to find them at the far edge of Konoha, the Nara Forest sprawling out majestically before her barely even looking like it's a part of the village.

The Nara Compound is much more expansive than even the Uchiha District. Every building is almost flush with the tree line with back doors opening straight into the Forest. The trees themselves tower high above everything else, clearly older than Konoha and any other trees to be found in the village. She can hear the birds high in their nests and the trampling of hooves though the iconic deer can't actually be seen.

Shikamaru gives her no chance to take the beautiful sight before her in, dragging her along to the largest house at the very edge of the tree line. It opens up to the widest swath of land and she can see a trail leading into the forest directly behind it. He leads her up the front, shouting a quick "I'm home" before ushering her into the sitting area.

"Wait here." He instructs before he zooms out as quickly as possible.

Chiyome stares, baffled, at where he just stood.

A few minutes pass before the girl finally starts to relax enough to take in the room. It's huge, much larger than the apartment she's living in currently. In front of her is a wide bookshelf with endless volumes all seemingly written in the Nara clan code. To her right is Shikaku's desk, shockingly near and orderly. On her other side is a small tea table, an active game of shogi still being played. The true star of the room, however, is behind her. The wall has been completely taken out leaving a huge window giving direct line of sight to the Nara Forest. She can see the trail clearly now, can even follow it a ways into the greenery. Even greater than that is the unobstructed view of the Nara deer.

They're watching her through the window just as she is them, a keen light in their eyes. The civilians think the deer are harmless creatures, same as any other you would find in the wild but the shinobi know better. Though they might not have the power of a summons, there's little more foolish than underestimating them in their own territory.

"Ah Chiyome-chan," a woman's voice calls out to her, "are you staying for dinner?"

The question is a complete formality, asked only for the sake of pretending Chiyome has a choice. She glances between Shikamaru and the woman, easily putting two and two together before nodding.

"If you'll have me Nara-san."

"I'm a shinobi dear," the woman smiles lightly at her, "call me Yoshino."

"Of course, Yoshino-san."

"Shikamaru go set the table." The boy practically runs out of the room, the fastest Chiyome has ever see him move. Yoshino moves over to the couch, gesturing for Chiyome to sit as well. "Shikamaru says today's an important day for you."

Chiyome's face tightens before she cools it down, staring at Yoshino with fiery eyes. "Yes, it is."

Yoshino waits a beat for Chiyome to continue talking but it quickly becomes obvious she won't be very forthcoming. She's not going to kid herself into thinking she can handle an emotional Uchiha, she's seen plenty of those in her lifetime, but she's been around the Yamanaka for so long she's sure she can at least try and reassure the girl. Thinking back to all her interaction with Mikoto, Yoshino figures the openly honest tactic to be the best.

"Chiyome, nobody in this village knows the pain or the loss that you've experienced - _are_ experiencing but I just want you to know," she dips her head slightly in an attempt to catch the young girl's eyes, "you're _not_ alone."

Interestingly, the fire in Chiyome's eyes doesn't die out as they sit watching each other. Rather, it seems to burn even brighter, fiercer.

"Kaa-san, the table's set." Shikamaru calls out.

"Well then Chiyome, let's go eat." Yoshino claps her hands together before leading the way to the dining room. Chiyome pretends not to be shocked when she sees that Shikaku is already at the table when they get there, sending a polite smile his way before sinking into the open chair.

Chiyome watches as the three Nara's talk idly about their days and other mundane things, steadfastly ignoring the water welling in her eyes. They are so _lucky_ , she thinks to herself, they don't even realize it.

The Voice rears up, ready to start another diatribe of loneliness and sorrow but she casts it aside. Now's not the time, not after spending the whole day listening to it.

"Chiyome," Shikaku says, "how was your day?"

She finishes her mouthful before smiling thinly at the man. "It was very eventful Shikaku-san, Hokage-sama had me come in for a meeting today."

Shikaku stills at that, though it's not unusual for the Hokage to have _general_ meetings without his Jounin Commander, it was unusual for anything regarding Chiyome Uchiha to happen without input from all of the brass. "What did you talk about?"

"Hokage-sama had some questions for me." She pauses, taking a sip of water. "Inoichi-san was there as well."

The entire table pauses. Inoichi isn't called into meetings unless….the three watch her in various stages of shock. Her smile grows more brittle.

"It seems Hokage-sama believes I knew about _it_ beforehand and said nothing."

Shikaku closes his eyes, the wind practically knocked out of him. There were concerns - well founded - about her mental health after she awoke from her coma. The signs of her trauma are clear enough to spot on a regular basis but when the Council had so ridiculously suggested that Itachi had shared the idea of the Massacre with his dear sister Shikaku had never thought that the Sandaime would actually take those ideas to heart.

"Can someone pass the water please?"

Shikamaru shakily passes the jug over, still staring wide-eyed at her.

 _Run_ is whispered in her ear and before she even has a chance to question whether it's _his_ voice or the Voice, she's out of her chair and out the door racing towards a place she'll never consider home.

* * *

 **〆**

* * *

Ugh y'all editing this chapter took so long, there was so much going on and it was...wild. Anyways, I hate Sarutobi and I hope y'all do too! But really, there _is_ an explanation for his behavior but the main focus re: his actions is how Chiyome feels post that. Also more interactions with more people! Can't wait until the next chapter when she has to see Shikamaru and Shikaku again lmao!

I tried to work more on being descriptive and I'm kind of scared that the writing got super awkward in parts so please let me know what y'all think. I really appreciate all of the input you guys give, even if it's just one word or something critical.

 **Guest:** You got it in one with Yugao! It's not a super big deal, just a little easter egg but I figured that Team Ro wouldn't just leave Chiyome to some random ANBU team and yes that does mean that our favorite loner is also involved. Thank you so much for your comments, I really want Chiyome to have people to rely on because the idea of nobody being there for Sasuke really grinds my gears because come on...they're a kid. I really hope you enjoy this chapter!


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